As leaders, we bring our whole selves to work—including parts shaped by difficult experiences we may or may not fully recognize. The reality is the lingering effects of trauma don't disappear when we enter the office; without awareness they silently influence aspects of our leadership like how we trust our teams, react to challenges, make decisions, and foster connection.

According to the CDC, 61% of adults have experienced at least one type of Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE), and 16% have experienced four or more types of ACEs (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, "Preventing Adverse Childhood Experiences," 2019). These experiences don't simply vanish in adulthood—they shape our neural pathways and stress responses.

While professional therapy is vital for healing these types of trauma, coaching can also support leaders to recognize how these experiences may be affecting their leadership today and create new pathways forward.

When Control Becomes Everything

Many successful leaders who experienced chaos or powerlessness earlier in life develop an iron grip on their environments. This isn't mere taking charge—it's survival instinct in professional clothing. When you heighten your self-awareness and find yourself unable to delegate, micromanaging talented team members, or feeling physically ill when plans change, your reactions may be connected to past experiences rather than responding to present realities.

A study published in the Harvard Business Review found that managers who struggle to delegate effectively spend 35% of their time on tasks that could be handled by others, reducing strategic thinking time by nearly half. This control pattern is particularly common among leaders with unresolved trauma (Tulgan, B., "How to Delegate Effectively," Harvard Business Review, January 2022).

Bold truth: Your team doesn't need your constant oversight; they want your trust. The control patterns that once served may now the be suffocating the growth of your team and limiting your own leadership potential.

The Dance with Conflict

Notice how you respond when team tensions arise. Do you immediately step in to smooth things over, even when healthy debate is necessary? Or perhaps you find yourself disproportionately defensive, interpreting disagreement as personal attack?

These reactions often trace back to how conflict played out in formative environments. The person who learned to keep peace at all costs becomes the leader who avoids necessary confrontations. The one who never felt heard becomes the boss who dominates conversations and decision-making. Both are reactionary symptoms of a deeper unmet need that tends to be unrelated to the present challenge or opportunity at hand.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

— Viktor Frankl

Research from CPP Global found that 85% of employees deal with conflict at work, with U.S. employees spending an average of 2.8 hours per week dealing with conflict. Leaders who navigate conflict effectively can reclaim this lost productivity while creating psychologically safer environments (CPP Global, "Workplace Conflict and How Businesses Can Harness It to Thrive," Human Capital Report, July 2021).

Gentle reminder: Conflict itself isn't always harmful—it's how we handle it that matters. Your team deserves a leader who can stay present during disagreement rather than reacting from old scripts. Here’s an invitation to press pause during confrontation and give yourself space to “choose your response” and grow as a leader and a human.

The Unrelenting Inner Critic

Perhaps the most pervasive challenge in limiting the success of leaders is the punishing inner voice that whispers "not enough" regardless of accomplishment. Also known as The Judge (coined by Positive Intelligence), your “greatest internal enemy.” Its inner dialogue is driven on constant pressure, stress, and fear that manifests as self-doubt and, ultimately, the imposter syndrome.

A survey by the International Journal of Behavioral Science found that approximately 70% of professional experience imposter syndrome at some point in their careers, with rates even higher among high-achieving individuals and executives (Sakulku, J., & Alexander, J., "The Impostor Phenomenon," International Journal of Behavioral Science, Vol. 6, No.1, 2020: 75-97).

Trauma-informed leadership means recognizing when this hyper-criticism crosses from a central survival strategy into self-sabotage. When you think you need to focus on what’s wrong rather than what’s right, you know the Judge has taken over. When impossible standards lead to burnout rather than sustainable excellence. When fear of failure prevents innovation and creativity.

Compassionate challenge: Pay attention to your language when talking to yourself (and your team.) Negative self-talk works against you, while positive affirmations and constructive statements work with you. Consider reframing, “I’m not good enough,” to “I am capable and continuously improving.”

Boundaries That Protect and Connect

Many leaders struggle with boundaries—either becoming impenetrable fortresses or having none at all. Both extremes have their symptoms like lack of interpersonal connection or poor time management skills, respectively.

The leader who never says no, who's always available, who sacrifices wellbeing for others' approval is often unconsciously repeating familiar patterns. Similarly, those who keep rigid emotional distance may be protecting vulnerabilities they’ve learned to guard. According to a Gallup study, managers who model healthy work-life boundaries have teams with 21% higher productivity and 27% lower burnout rates (Gallup, "State of the Global Workplace," Workplace Report, February 2023).

Empowering truth: Setting clear, compassionate boundaries isn't selfish—it's essential. It creates the safety and predictability that allows both you and your team to thrive (not just survive).

With Awareness Comes Choice

“Awareness is the first step toward change. Once we recognize a pattern, we can begin to create new possibilities. ”

— Daniel Goleman

Recognizing these (and other) unhelpful patterns isn't about assigning blame or dwelling in the past. It's about bringing awareness to unconscious trauma that may be limiting your leadership effectiveness and personal fulfillment. With awareness comes choice—the choice to respond mindfully rather than react automatically.

Leaders who continue to expand self-awareness and self-leadership, address their old behavioral patterns and create ripple effects throughout their teams/organizations - fostering environments where people can truly achieve more than they thought possible.

Explore how your unique experiences have shaped your leadership strengths and challenges. Discover new possibilities when you lead from choice rather than reaction.

Book A Coaching Session

References

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2019). Preventing Adverse Childhood Experiences. U.S. Department of Health & Human Services. https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/aces/

CPP Global. (2021, July). Workplace Conflict and How Businesses Can Harness It to Thrive. Human Capital Report.

Gallup. (2023, February). State of the Global Workplace. Workplace Report.

Tulgan, B. (2022, January). How to Delegate Effectively. Harvard Business Review

Hidden Impacts of Trauma on Leadership